Doris Lessingu esimene ja viimane romaan

R: Ma olen Su sõber ega jäta Sind kunagi.

J: Ah, Sa oled mu kallim ning see tühistab sõpruse.

Love is merely a madness and, I tell you, deserves as well the dark house and whip as madmen do, and the reason why they are not so punished and cured is that the lunacy is so ordinary that the whippers are in love too. (lk 105)

Kui ta oli juba unustanud armastuse – aastaid tagasi leseks jäädes, kui ta mõtles kuid, aastaid, et ilma oma kalli abikaasata tema kõrval öösel voodis ei olnud mõtet elada, armus ta siiski. Ta käis ringi ja talle meenus, ah jaa, nii tehakse, kui ollakse armunud. Kuni ta nägi pargis väikest tüdrukut, kes kõndis oma ema ja väikevenna kõrval. Ema keelas ja käsutas teda, laps püüdis olla ta meele järele. Tüdruk käis aga emale närvidele, oli koormaks, kui ta tahtis ise väikese pojakese eest hoolitseda.

Sarah was silently telling the child, ‘Hold on, hold on. Quite soon a door will slam shut inside you because what you are feeling is unendurable. The door will stand there shut all your life: if you are lucky it will never open, and you’ll not ever know about the landscape you inhabited – for how long? But child time is not adult time. You are living in an eternity of loneliness and grief, and it is truly a hell, because the point of hell is that there is no hope. You don’t know that the door will slam shut, you believe that this is what life is and must be: you will always be disliked, and you will have to watch her love that little creature you love so much because you think that if you love what she loves, she will love you. But one day you’ll know it doesn’t matter what you do and how hard you try, it is no use. And at that moment the door will slam and you will be free.’ (lk 335)

Armuda on mäletada, et oled ise pagendus, seepärast ei taha kannataja paraneda, ehkki halab, et ta ei suuda taluda seda mitteelu, seda  kõrbe. (Millalgi päris lõpus.)

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